It’s ok to not be ok during the holidays. And actually, holidays are triggering for a lot of people. Holidays being up grief, loss, financial hardships, broken boundaries, stress, anxiety, loneliness, and burnout. I know for me every single holiday is filled with sadness, another year my sister isn’t there to experience it. Emotions don’t have a timeline.

My wish for you this season is to allow space for all of your experience. If you don’t feel like going to another party, stay home.  Take care of yourself. If you want to cry at your Christmas gathering, cry. It doesn’t mean you are weak, It means you are feeling. If your plans got canceled because of the pandemic, be sad. You deserve to grieve their absence. Whatever you are experiencing just know that it is ok! Just because you don’t feel jolly doesn’t mean you are a horrible person. Your are BEING HUMAN. And part of being a human is having an emotional experience. 

If you struggle with holidays like me, try these 3 tips. 

1. Slow down and be intentional with your time. If you are triggered your nervous system is activated. We need to make sure to slow down and keep really good boundaries! This might mean not making every Christmas party and that is ok! It is not your job to manage others emotions. If they are upset you can’t come, that is their own experience of rejection, not yours. 

2. Try one tradition that makes you feel connected to your loved ones. I always experience loneliness and it’s important for me to feel close to my family. I do a Christmas tree, watch certain Christmas movies, and bake pumpkin cookies. Let yourself cry if this brings up any emotions. I always cry when I decorate my Christmas tree and that’s ok. 

3. Rest!!! This is the most important for me. I get stuck in the cycle of doing. I need to do this or do that. Meet yourself where you are at. If this year feels hard, then it’s ok that your presence looks different than usual. You don’t owe anyone anything. Just because someone went out of their way to give you a gift doesn’t mean you also have the capacity for that. 

Some times your capacity might be just to show up and that is enough.

You are enough as you are. There is nothing wrong with you. Take it moment by moment and honor yourself first. Don’t compare to last year or the year before. This is you this year and this is perfectly ok.