I don’t want to forget you

I remember so I don’t forget. 

My worst fear is that I will forget you.

I still remember the day you died, every detail etched in my brain like sick nightmare

I replay that moment every single day

I replay the sound of my moms voice, shaking with shock and anguish

I remember the moment I fell to the ground begging for you to come back

I remembering screaming so loud it could be heard from a mile away.

I remember calling your phone 15 times to see if you would answer 

I remember so I don’t forget. 

My worst fear is that I will forget you.

I don’t want to forget….

Your laugh and your big bright smile. 

the you always had my back even if I was in the wrong

you as mother and the love you gave your kids.

The highlights in your hair and the chuck Taylors on your feet

Our fights because even fighting meant you cared

Our daily text messages about anything and everything

The excitement you gave me in any moment

and most importantly i don’t want to forget the way you loved me.

I crave to be loved the way you loved me

Every morning I wake up and check my phone. Hoping that I will get a text from you.

Every morning I listen for your voice to tell me its going to be ok

Every morning I scream at the world for taking something so beautiful out of it

I wish I could eventually wake up from this nightmare

I don’t want to forget, so I chose to feel this pain, over and over again.

Because the pain means I was loved greatly 

and for that I am forever grateful

and because of you I am am forever changed

I love you so much that words can’t even describe it

And I miss you more than words can even understand. 

Happy 32nd Birthday Bre…My Sweet Sunflower